Well, here we go again.
I actually drafted this post a few days earlier than I was supposed to. I thought that maybe since the year was already ending anyway, I should just write this while I still had time. What could possibly happen during the last few days of 2018 that could still change my life?
I spoke too soon. 2018 wasn’t going down without a fight.
To be honest, I didn’t expect to experience as much conflict and existential crisis this year. Because of all the blessings and happy moments that 2017 spoiled me with, I hoped that in 2018 it would get better. (Judging by my tone, I think you already know that it didn’t.)
But, despite all the drama, I guess, it was during this year that I really grew as a person. I confronted a lot of fears, internal and external, and it made me tougher than ever. I’m pretty much broken, scarred, that’s for sure but I now know how to fight with battle wounds still open. And I now know what I’m really fighting for.
With all that said, here are the 18 lessons of my 2018:
- Family means working on it no matter what. – You don’t give up on anyone. You don’t give in on anything. You’re family.
- Healing is a process you can’t rush. – Refer to: 1 mosquito and 3 hospital beds in Youngblood Inquirer (Yiiiii)
- Getting angry can be proof for self-respect. – When I was younger, I used to try hard to not get angry. But you can only try so much until tolerance turns into being a pushover. Looking back at it now, I realized that I was only able to contain my anger because I felt like I didn’t deserve such emotions. 😦 Hey self, it’s okay to be angry especially when it means that you and/or your principles are being violated.
- Own your dreams (even if it’s not practical or realistic). – This summer, I had to confront one of the biggest crossroads of my life. I had to think about my dreams and my future. The thing is, despite all the constraints of my physical world right now, I still know what I want to be and I WILL BE IT. I just needed to actually own it and want it and (hello) do something about it!
- There may be sacrifices you can afford to do now (but not forever). – This is related to #4. Obviously, I had to sacrifice some things and make some detours before I work on my dream. But here’s the wake up call: I can’t stall forever. I have to choose my dreams someday.
- A day, no matter good or bad, always ends. – Thanks for this one, Dad.
- Don’t obsess over goodbyes. – Let’s just say that I’m afraid of people leaving. That’s why I try to brace myself all the time or I don’t initiate the connection in the first place. But there were so many unnecessary drama that ensued and so many moments missed because I was too tentative. If I have you in my life now, I’ll live our moment now.
- Stand out like stars against the night sky. – Your ideas, love, were not meant for boxes. The same goes with me. I have so much magic inside me and even if that’s unorthodox, I’m sticking with it.
- Kindness is both sweet and sour. Be kind anyway. – There is a cost to kindness. The cup does not fill itself. But once kindness is your first instinct, there are hearts touched and worlds changed that would make everything wonderful again.
- The sea washes away pain. – You can run away to it if you’d like.
- Children will surprise you. – I became an adviser this year and “surprise” would be an understatement. (My kids can frustrate me because of their differences but it’s these same things that make me *cringe* love them.)
- Relationships require effort. – People don’t stay friends just because you added them on Facebook and you see their posts on your newsfeed.
- Always be grateful, especially for what has been there all along.
- You are the most beautiful when you are yourself. – And never let anyone tell you otherwise.
- “Impossible” things are survivable.
- Sometimes it’s the people that make you stay. – Everything in life is hard but when you’re with the right people, everything would feel worth doing.
- Love is a choice. (But don’t forget that you can choose yourself also.)
- The best things happen after 4:30 PM.
With that, thank you. Next. (But 2019, please give me time to pace myself before you attack.)