Just Checking-In: 013117

I haven’t been blogging lately despite all the life-changing epiphanies I’ve had these past few months. I guess, I’ve become conscious with the form and symbolisms I use in each piece I write and that made it a bit harder to just express myself. (This is a public blog after all so I have to watch what I immortalize in cyberspace through this blog.) And, as I mentioned, the down side is that I am discouraged to just write anything, hence, the decrease in posts.

While having lunch today, I remembered a certain format that some of the bloggers I know use. It’s the verb-ing thing and then the description/answer to that. (I made it sound confusing. You’ll get it once you read on.)

(Edited. I researched and it’s called ‘Sunday Currently’ which originated from Sidda Thornton in 2012. I’m not going to do this just on Sundays though.)

That kind of format didn’t seem to be much of a commitment and was easy to write without worrying too much. That’s why I’ll give it a try today, and perhaps on days when I want to blog without making a fuss.

Without further ado, here I go.

READING – The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I realized that I needed to be actively pursuing happiness instead of just waiting for life to throw it at me. (But, since I’m good at putting things off so as to not overwhelm myself, I am reading this very very very slowly. I’m still at page 10+ after two weeks of having it wait on my bedside drawer.)

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WRITING – Nothing! My writer self is so embarrassed. I’m supposed to be writing my would-be novel so that it could have a shot at being published. (It will be finished this year though. I will make that happen too.)

LISTENING – If we’re talking about what’s on repeat in my playlist, it’s either AMY by Jung Joonyoung or Lost Stars sung by Kiera Knightley.

WATCHING – Lately, I’ve been into the Korean variety show, 1 Night 2 Days! It’s a wild travel variety show where cast members travel around Korea, feature tourist spots and delicacies and play games of chance for every essential activity to survive (eating, sleeping…). I just love watching them so much because they’re all really funny and I don’t know, they just make life seem really exciting.

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FEELING – Relaxed. For a person who is about to deliberately undergo change, feeling this way is either my way of putting off the worries or loosening up.

THINKING – About the effect of the coffee I had earlier to my body. And my watching schedule for tonight. And the work load I’ve put on hold. Also wondering if I should edit my pending vlogs already.

CRAVING – For alone time with Youtube videos and just potating with my siblings.

PRAYING – For direction in life. Lord you know this. You got this.

NEEDING – To have my head planted in the ground. It’s seriously floating too much. Haha. I need it at least grounded once a day for me to make sensible decisions.

LOVING – This Pollen that’s so open to loving herself.

 

16 Lessons of 2016

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2016 Highlights

Living through 2016 felt like riding Anchors Away. I was always on the edge of my seat, stomach churning, head spinning, half-regretting why I rode the ride in the first place but then remembering that I don’t have much choice but to wait until it stops.

I’ve been through what I thought was unthinkable this year. A lot has changed for me, the way I live and who I am as a person, and adjusting  hadn’t been as easy as a flick of the remote. (Do you know how hard it was to change mindsets?)

There were a lot of firsts, goodbyes and what ifs. And honestly, I felt like majority of the year I’ve just been wandering mindlessly, bumping into poles once in a while.

That being said, ending the year felt like a relief more than anything. I learned a lot, I’ll give it that, but I’m just thankful that I’m still standing after it all.

Here are the 16 lessons of 2016 that I earned through all the challenges of the year that was:

  1. Allow yourself to have glory days. – I find it difficult to give myself credit for the good things I do because I often do not know how to accept compliments. But this year, I’ve learned to appreciate the feats I’ve accomplished and the obstacles I’ve overcome. (I can be an awesome potato, if I try to be one.) Once I knew how to do that, it became easier to appreciate myself and forgive myself of the misses and fails I did.
  2. You can make/find multiple sanctuaries in this world. – It takes a lot before I feel comfortable and before 2016, I used to believe that I could only be truly comfortable at home or with the people I consider as home. But once I was left to fend for myself (lol exaggerated), I was forced to make places my home. Though it started as something I had to do, it ended up as a mindset that helped me a lot in Manila. I learned that wherever I go, I should have a space to breathe, to laugh and to be weird.
  3. Always go home to people. – I loved Lipa more this year, not because it’s familiar and safe, but because most of the people I truly care for are here. 2016 helped me appreciate that.
  4. At the end of the day, the day always ends. – This was a statement my dad told me and it’s gotten me through really tough days. // I’m a worrier and I obsessively worry about stuff to the point that my body can feel the negative impact of my worries. But gosh, if I did that for every little obstacle, I believe I wouldn’t stay sane. I just have to let go sometimes and focus on one thing at a time so that I can power through it. It will end too.
  5. Family is important. – Damn. This is the main thing this year. 2016 showed me that family will always be there no matter what. I admit, I haven’t been really open to them before and I used to turn to friends first before them, but this year allowed me to anchor my everything in them.
  6. There’s no use dwelling in the past. – There are moments I can relive in my head but not in real life, I know that. Rather than wishing I was where I was, I learned to use the feelings they gave me to move forward. (I still cringe occasionally at my regrets tho.)
  7. Don’t make money decisions using feelings (at least not all the time). – Refer to Christmas 2016. Haha. For real though, I know I decide using feelings most of the time but when it comes to money, I learned to get my head in the game.
  8. Find a way to let go of your negativity. – An outlet is helpful, but having even just one person to depend on to listen to your shit is amazing. 2016 showed me that apparently, I have a ton of those. I just need to open up.
  9. The fear of not knowing can be conquered by admitting ignorance and asking. – This is my ultimate fear. I just have to keep learning.
  10. Getting lost is an experience. – Direction-wise, this is self-explanatory. 🙂 But in life, getting lost can be taxing. It’s up to me though to change my mindset and enjoy the journey (which is harder than I’m making it sound).
  11. Never let people tell you who you are. – It took a lot before I grew into the Pauline I am now. It took forever getting to know me and deciding who I wanted to be and what are the values I can’t be without. So excuse me if I won’t let people define me and belittle the woman I’ve become. (I’m not going down without a fight. Not anymore.)
  12. Find/keep people you can be weird with. – Amidst all the pretentiousness of this world, you have to stay true once in a while. Haha. Do that with people. // Also, potate-ing isn’t shameful. There are people out there who’d be more willing to potate with you.
  13. Work on relationships.– I’m lazy with staying touch but 2016 challenged me. It taught me that if I wanted to keep people, I have to communicate. (And hey, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.) I sort of forgot how it felt to live off stories of other people’s days and how kilig it is to have inside jokes, because I was busy denying that I needed anyone. But yeah, now that I’m adulting, I learned to put extra effort on this.
  14. Love yourself to be your own person. – Be a potato or a solider if you want to. Once you forget who you are, that’s when your world will crumble. Hold on to your person. // This also goes with not having to force yourself into a relationship just so you could feel wanted. Want yourself. You don’t need anyone to make you feel special. You are special. Independence is empowering. (Ayyy. This is for you, Pollen.)
  15. Anchor everything on the Lord. He’s listening. – Wow, it’s humbling to realize that God does take the time of the day to pay attention to your prayers. Maybe it’s because I’m finally paying attention but it’s 2016 when I truly saw His hands working in my life. God’s just been so present and been so forgiving of me this year.
  16. Hang onto your dreams and work on them. – I’m a writer, not because I professionally practice the craft but because it’s a part of who I am. That means, no matter what life throws at me, I will continue to write. 2016 tested me, teased me for not writing enough, but if there’s one thing it made me sure of, it’s that my soul will not rest if it’s not finished my story. Come what may, I’ll get it done and the world will know of it. // Dreams are not lists you make or stuff you stick on boards for display. Dreams are things you accomplish. (Go 2017 Pollen!)