More than a month ago, I was riding on a bus to Buendia when I got the email that would shift the course of my life.
I wasn’t immensely happy when I got the message. If anything, I was conflicted. I knew I wasn’t prepared to uproot myself from the life I got so used to in Lipa, but at the same time, it felt like it was about time to do so.
Things were happening so fast and I had to make decisions (all in a span of a 30-minute bus ride). I was hesitant because there wasn’t exactly a manual in making the right choice and I’ve been putting off accepting any job offer because I was so afraid of messing up the start of my career.
It was always the what if for me – what if I had to wait for some other offer? What if this wasn’t what I really wanted? What if I don’t become happy?
In the end, it all came down to me wanting to get one foot out the door. I just wanted to get this next phase of my life started already. I want to get over the messy bits, to learn about the mystical corporate world and to do something.
Now here I am and I don’t even know how to describe what I’m feeling. (Honestly, now is only the second time I’m allowing myself to evaluate my feelings towards work ever since I got hired.)
It’s been a month. Wow. A lot has changed for this potato.
I remember being one week in and still holding my breath in the office because I was worried about breathing too loudly. I also used to sit on my hands to stop them from shaking and to put pressure on my feet to calm them down. I avoided eye contact because I wouldn’t be able to hold it. And I spoke softly, quietly. I was trying to exist as lightly as possible.
But, I guess, I can say that now, I’ve set my universals. I’ve established my routine and my comfort zone here in Makati (and because of that, I’m ready to break them.)
I have an idea on what to do and I’m not afraid of just being myself anymore. I sing out loud (that’s the ultimate cue of comfort). I laugh and hang out in places other than my portion of the room upstairs. I deliberately go down to just be around people. And I don’t worry as much as I did before.
I’ve opened up to the people too. I’ve let my walls down enough to share my stories, to be interested in getting to know them and to actually care about them. (By now, no matter how much I try to deny it, I know that I’m already attached to them.)
Looking at everything that has happened now, I realize that this one month isn’t a celebration of the first leg of my career. It’s not even about my first job. It’s about me growing up in a month and me learning from the path that God has led me to. It’s about being grateful for all the help and guidance that I’ve received early on and will be receiving from this point forward. It’s about life and the human will to thrive against challenges.
Work-wise, the load is already getting heavier. Life-wise, I’ve still got a lot to learn. Me-wise, so far, everything’s been an adventure.
Happy One Month to this working girl. Flowers can thrive in the city too. (Always be yourself and bring yourself wherever you go.)